DESSERT-IF-ICATION
So now, we are calling on the
College Board to divest from both types of Koch and reinvest in real
sweeteners. It could be a smashing success like Stanford, or a “we will arrest
you but will not meet with you” situation like we once saw at Harvard.
So, what if the outcome is somewhere
in the middle? What if the Board meets with us and responds with: “I think your
intentions about putting real sugar into clean energy jobs are so sweet of you.
But as far as divestment you are asking for dessert to replace the main course
of our fiduciary duties and I am afraid that is too much to ask for. I hear you
are in favor of desserts and I understand you feel like you desservt it.
But sorry sometimes in life you have got to accept you just can’t have your
cake and eat it too.” Well
Excuse me? Excuse me!?
One thing for sure, we can’t let King CONG of the fossil fuel establishment have
(its, its, its,) its baked Alaska and eat it too! So somehow having our climate action clean energy jobs cake
and eating it too is too much for us to ask for? But the Pollute-o-crats somehow get to have their liar-denier
cake-on-fire and eat it too going uninterrupted and not intervened
upon? Just No…
The liar-denier pants on fire crowd
crafts a cover story of claiming to be just so gushingly sentimental about
these traditional jobs hauling oil and coal. But they are oil-coal-haulics. They are power-drunk on the oil-coal-haul
that is making Alaska bake while treating our mass transit and clean energy
jobs as it they don’t matter.
And you know what adds in-salt to in-sugary in the process of cooking their Baked
Alaska dirty energy jobs cake? It is sweetened with a sugary subsidy-tute
that contributes to the Maraschino Cherry red ink budget deficit dessert
sauce. You know, the Maraschino cherries are the cherry-picked economic data points, while tar sands are the pits that get extracted. And for some odd reason this particular budget deficit dessert sauce has
become quite a popular hit at Tea Parties across the nation despite their
rhetorical opposition to red ink!
You know what the pollute-o-crats are able to
accomplish by hiring their sugar daddy
lobbying crew? They are able get
$6.6 million dollar per day in sugary subsidy-tute dessert sauce for the price
of only $440,000 per day. This is a 15
to 1 return on investment! No wonder why divestment is such a heavy lift.
15 to 1! That is not the type of fight for 15 that I am willing to support. No
wonder why they are so many oil-coal-haulics who simply can’t resist temptation
let alone admit that they even have a problem in the first place.
How about letting the nuclear industry
have its enriched yellow cake Uranium and eat it too? It would open up a
can of radioactive gummy worms that no insurance company will dare try a
sample of. And past attempts at even taking another slice of the yellow cake
have resulted in cost overruns the size of Monticello.
Spokesperson after spokesperson from
Xcel Energy keeps referring to that
enriched yellow cake as something that provides consumers with “a carb-free form of energy”. Have a
piece of cake, calories from fat and protein but not from carbs? Hmmm. What
they don’t tell you is that the process of enriching the flour for yellow cake
is actually a carb-intensive process.
So, what kind of cake do we ask to
reinvest in?
Let’s say German Chocolate! This special cake can be baked using solar power even at
52 degrees’ latitude. German Chocolate Cake using the Energiewende recipe is made available in and by special eateries known
as feed-in tarrifs. A feed-in tariff is where
any customer can get permission to become their own cake baker utility. And
that smashes the traditional barrier between consumer and producer; the baker
and the birthday candle stick maker so they can invest in the clean cake
baking enterprise for the energy-prize!
Not only are feed-in tariffs compatible with
a free enterprise economic system. Think of it as a free energy-prize economic system!
So how about some nifty cake recipes?
Remember that US EPA Clean Power Plan? We were in the process of creating an
interactive cake recipe book for the health-conscious. For the thousandth time,
the Clean Power cake baking plan was not intended to be some top-down,
inflexible, micromanaging dictatorship! It was supposed to give each of the 50
states the flexibility to come up with its own unique customized variety of
cake.
So, what did the pollute-o-crats not
like about it? The Clean Power Cake Baking Plan set a cap on the glycemic index
levels that each of the 50 cakes could have.
As you know, a cake that is low on the
glycemic index provides an energy that will last, be sustainable, and will not
burn out so quickly.
On the other hand, a cake high on
the glycemic index provides an energy that is unsustainable and will set us up
for a massive energy crash in the
future.
Well what happened? Well those who
profit from selling high-frack-tose corny tar sands syrup tell the big lie that it won’t have that same economic sugar high.
It does not matter how flexible or accommodating the recipe book was. The pollute-o-cratic
sugar daddies wanted no carb limits whatsoever. And tragically, they somehow
managed to get the Supreme Court to rule that we can maybe have our Clean Power
Plan cake as long as we save it for later.”
But that someday never came. Fast
forward a year later and someone just ripped out the pages of the recipe book to
try to stop it from going into wide distribution.
What happened? Lets’ enter the magic
term “Pollute-o-cratic Sugar Daddy”- and scramble those words around and see what
we get… you have a letter P, a letter U
and a letter T. Maybe you can tell where I am going. And the results are:
Scot Pruit Rogue Caddy Lad -
What Rogue Caddy Lad
basically means is corporate errand boy, carrying around the big clubs. …It
means taking memos from his corporate paymasters and submitting them to the EPA
as his own comments. Because the term here is a Caddy Lad, which refers to
golfing, that is why I had to knock off the T and the end of his first and last
name.
Another clue is that
you can extract coal from the term Rogue Caddy Lad. C O A L
And you can extract
oil (from the term Rogue Caddy Lad) by adding in his name. O I L
So, here is what
happened. Ok just screw it, screw it all. I hate having to tell this story, let
me scramble it some more.
OK, After Pot Scruit took over the agency,
he tore apart the Clean Cake Power Plan cookbook all in the name of coal jobs
being entitled to have their cake and eat it too and no one else. But for some
reason the coal jobs cake has not even turned out that well after baking in the
oven, because the recipe process was too mechanized. Actually, the only thing
Pot Scruit cooked were the books. He cooked the books! Are you
ready for the one bit of good news from the new administration? They have
actually banned one particular deadly ingredient sometimes used in the cake
baking industry. They have banned Trans fats! In other words, they BANNED the TRANS Fat-Cif-ic Partnership… But we have to be on the lookout
for other ways of clogging the arteries
of local democracy and community resilience?
The
TPP worm- sucking out the expected future nourishment from our global
economic digestive system for its selfish gain. Is it eradicated? Or will
another parasite take its place?
Oh my
gosh! There is a page ripped out from the Clean Cake Power Plan recipe book. And
it is still intact! Let’s read it and try to follow along and bake
something.
Oh, no I
see a problem already.
The
baking instructions say… preheat the oven to 350, with that being the maximum
allowable temperature. However, I see the oven temp is now just above 404 and
still rising! If the oven temp gets to 450, then the climate solutions cake
will not turn out well. Conventional wisdom, I mean Convectional wisdom says the cake would be undone on the inside and
burned on the outside in short time. Sugary subsidy-tute icing added onto the
cake will all melt away and disappear. Reason being, because all the
government-provided public funds would go toward bailing people out from one
extreme weather disaster after another.
We have to cool the oven back down to
350 even as it is on trajectory to creep up to 450. We actually have to go
carbon negative. Aha! That is what the Clean Power Plan missed! Climate
solutions, it is not just about renewable energy. It is also about agriculture.
Planting native prairie grasses is also a climate solution because their huge
roots could sequester carbon. That is why it will take a lot of grassroots organizing in order to
sequester carbon.
